GrumbleSmiles

In the Coronavirus lockdown period for all sports Leicester Tigers are once again leading the way forward.
In my first blog on this subject “ Rugby Balls 🏉”.   I wrote about how the Old Farts at the RFU had proposed changing some of the rules to accommodate the Governments requirement for social distancing.

This was followed by “ Rugby Balls 🏉🏉” which showed how our creative coaching team could lift us from the bottom of the league back up to our rightful position challenging for honours in Europe.    Albeit this may not be this year☹️

Now in these desperate times for sport, British technology is coming to the rescue. A technology company in London called “Sportable” has been trialing  a new smart rugby ball with a computer chip which could be a game-changer.     Importantly, it is being tested at LEISTER TIGERS, so we will have the advantage of a head start.
The all-knowing chip can track the ball position, spin rate, direction of travel, altitude, air pressure and temperature …. and probably the time of day as well as keep score.
The pedestrian Rugby Football Union and their coach, Eddie Bones,  think the new smart ball can be used to transmit to referees when the ball is passed forward,  ….  or knocked on ….. or not thrown straight in the line-out ….. or properly touched down for a try.      Admittedly this would save at least half the game time,  while the officials  spend endless minutes looking at TV replays.

However, the Tigers head coach, Jordan Murphy, has an even better plan.   He and his eleven or so other assistant coaches, who all have spent hours playing  games on computers, have hacked into the smart ball  programme.    They have reprogrammed the chip to show that Leicester Tigers players never throw the ball forward. …  never ever knock it on …. always throw it straight in the line out ….and without fail touch down trys .     As an added advantage the ball has been programmed to swerve away from the posts should the opposition manage to convert a try .

Thanks to Jordan, “ Next season should be a game changer!”

This post follows my earlier post about the impact of Coronavirus on the Rugby world and my once excellent all winning team  Leicester Tigers.

They have not been playing well all season  ,,,,  dropping the 🏉 …… not catching the 🏉 …… missing tackles …. missing through injury …. missing through endless International matches.    It’s not been a good season so far☹️       I think the players might have had Coronavirus for some time, possibly for several seasons !

The old buffers at the Rugby Football Union have called a “temporary” halt to the season which could last until April.    No mention of wether they ment April 2020 or April 2021 or just sometime in the distant future.      They have sent our International players back.       Unfortunately half of them are injured and the other half have to go into quarantine ☹️

That’s the bad news, but, there is some good news to brighten up the loyal fans.    Our excellent ever optimistic coach, Jordan Murphy has been thinking out of the box to come up with a recovery plan.     He has recruited some new players from South Africa and New Zealand where Coronavirus hasn’t taken hold yet.    He has just got to figure out how to get them over here now there are no plane flights.  Rumour has is he is also looking at China, so we can get a few more players with unpronounceable names into the starting line up 🤡

Jordan is adamant that next weeks game against top of the table Exeter Chiefs will still go ahead.     “If Exeter don’t turn up we should win and get a bonus point ! ” said Jordan in a rousing team talk to each player individually, now that they are not allowed to gather in groups.       They also haven’t been able to train together because of the Governments new rules on social distancing.

Ticket sales will have to be limited to FOUR.    One in each stand and all will have to ware the new Tiger Onesie protective gear which can be purchased in the club shop for only  £150 plus VAT.     Masks are extra.

🏉 HURRY GET YOUR TICKET TODAY 🏉

The Rugby Football Union are extremely concerned about the corona virus now that two International matches against Italy have had to be cancelled.     They are very worried about the loss of income if more matches can’t go ahead, so they have devised a cunning plan, which involves a new set of rules for the game.

• The pitch will be disinfected before the match and players scoring a try will not touch down in case it gets the ball dirty.
• Wipe ball with anti-septic cloth before passing it on to another player.
• No touching other players just shout BOO!
• No drinking from shared bottles, the game is to be stopped every 10 minutes for players to get their own bottle from the touch line.
• Players with a blood injury during the game will be immediately be sent to hospital and blood tested. They can return to the pitch if they can get back before the match is over.
• All pies and pints sold will contain a small measure of Dettol to protect other spectators.   This is not likely to make the pies taste any different😀
• Players temperatures will be tested at half time and anyone over  98 degrees will be given a red card and sent into quarantine for the next two weeks.
• The referee will not be allowed to blow his whistle as it might spread germs, instead he will wave a red flag 🚩 and jump up and down on the spot until the players stop running about.
• There will be no hand shakes after match just buy every one a drink of vitamin C.
• Spectators are most welcome, because the RFU needs the income, but they should not sing or shout during the game, just polite clapping and definitely no high fives.
• After the game they should troupe out of the ground leaving five feet between them and the next person.    This may mean it take four or five hours to exit the stadium.