LLLP INVESTIGATES OVERSEAS AID

Bodj and his Cabinet Ministers have made a real dogs dinner of handling the Coronapop crisis.     A second wave is coming, but this time it is not just the virus back again, it’s a financial tidal wave.    Rushi Havesomemoney has had no trouble giving our money away, now he has got to claw it all back.    Where on earth is he going to get it from?
Time for some bold, radical solutions.   Time for the Last Laugh Looney Party to think the unthinkable.

We will start with a small Government Department  —- the DFiD—- the Department of International Development.     Something which I have some doubts about.    Evidently so does the Daily Mail, which has a big front page spread on it this week.

The DFiD spends 0.7% of GDP each year.   Is that a lot or a little?     How do you make a judgment?   My prejudice is that it a heck of a lot because Governments always spend a lot.

In fact in 2019/20 their budget was £13.4 billion. 

Here are some more of my other prejudices:-

  • we still think we are a super-power saviour of the world, but we are not any more.
  • politicians like trips abroad and playing  benefactor with our money.
  • we have a lot of problems at home, especially in the aftermath of Coronapop.
  • nonetheless we should help with third world poverty.

The DFiD’s  mission is to “eliminate world poverty”, which seems rather ambitious, and “ to promote sustainable development”, which could mean just about anything.     No wonder they a struggling.   In the last year they have got through five Secretary’s of State and now they are being merged with the Foreign and Commonwealth Office.

They need to focus on a few issues and make a big and lasting impact.  Rather than throwing our money around like confetti.  Countries with big economies should look after themselves.

LET’S START WITH SOME FACTS.    From the 2019 /20 DFiD annual report.  This should make everything clear, especially when one of their proudly stated aims is “transparency “.    So all I have to do is read 179 pages about what they have been doing with £13.4 billion in the last twelve months :-

  • The first clutch pages are introductory waffle, full of glowing testament to how well they are doing.
  • Then we have colourful infographics, which are more confusing than helpful.
  •  Next we have 10 strategic goals and 6 additional cross-cutting goals.   I hope your still with me.     “Cross-cutting”  sounds like an important word“. It certainly confuses things even more.   
  • I am already losing the will to live and I haven’t found out anything useful yet.
  • I expect there will be an executive summary soon, because I doubt the general public, whose money they are spending, will have time to read all 179 page.
  • Still on we go with the structure of Departments; tables and tables of figures;  more words about wonderful deeds; by country, by region, by policy and by every conceivable sub-division.
  • Then the real meat!   How much paper they used; how much water they consumed; how much waste they created and how it was disposed of.   Unbelievably valuable information.   You could be forgiven for thinking they are trying to confuse us.
  • It is page 156 before I find any relatively straightforward tables of expenditure by country and by policy.  Even then you have no idea of exactly what the money has been spent on and what has been achieved.
  • The DFiD has 3,500 staff all on high salaries and gold plated pensions.  In stark contrast to the people they are supposed to be helping.

I give the report a ZERO for transparency, which is what I suspect they are trying to achieve.    So far the LLLP  has come up with no savings !

I searched around a few other websites and found that very few countries meet the United Nations target of contributing 0.7%  of their GDP.  The European average is about 0.3%.     So how can we be so generous, now that Coronapop has us almost  bankrupt ?

So here’s a Last Laugh Looney Party script for a Bodj BBC broadcast introducing a new proposal for the DDiF :-

We will immediately start a review of all DFiD projects  using the electorate, not the politicians.    Each DFiD project leader, and there are a lot of them, must produce  “a one page justification” of why we should keep spending our money on their project.    The general  public will have one month to vote on which projects they wish to continue to pay for.     After that project funding will cease on projects that received  less than 50% support.
Budget savings will be used to support poverty in the UK and to pay down the Coronapop debt mountain.

  I will  try some other Government Department next and use the same approach with them.

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Packaging Puzzle?

I started writing about excess packaging way back in 2010 and it has been something of an irritant ever since.  ( You can see my earlier posts by clicking on Packaging in the TagCloud)    My rants haven’t changed much.   If anything there is more wrapping than ever.     But here is another aspect of the subject , which is designed to keep the shoppers guessing.  

I wonder what we all did before they had “sell by” dates.    Come to that, who invented the idea in the first place ….   and why?     It certainly wasn’t the retailers, because that puts them under pressure to get things sold before the goods are not so good.   That’s why their shelf stackers spend hours hiding the newest goods behind all the earlier sell by dates.     But, neither can it be the purchasers because they have to scrabble about usually at the very back of the shelves to find the most up to date sell by date.

The latest retailer game is to find ever more obscure places to put the date.    It used to be on the top of the tin or box, but once the customers rumbled that, the retailers quickly switched to other less convenient locations.   The back of the box surrounded by masses of other information,  or the side of the bottle top.     Other tactics include using very small print,  or printing the date in yellow on a white background.    Or how about mixing up the date with a lot of other numbers just to be a bit more confusing.
It is only a matter of time before they start to use invisible ink, or maybe write the dates in Roman numerals.

Anyone would think that retailers are not sold on the idea of “ sell by “ dates.

 

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Decisive Indecision !

BODJ IS IN A QUANDARY

He has been for a while

He doesn’t know,

whether to laugh to laugh or cry.

 

He was much more decisive about Brexit,

And “got it done”

Except not yet.

 

After that triumph,

Coronapop came along to spoil it all,

Bodj said “we can beat it.“

But not yet,

 

We have enough PPE,

But not yet.

 

We are going to have a world beating track and trace system

But not yet.

 

We are going to develop a vaccine.

But not yet.

 

READY.       STEADY.        WAIT

It’s not that Bodj is indecisive ,

He just can’t make up his mind !

 

 

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New World not yet?

We have been in “lockdown” in the UK for FIFTEEN weeks or more.

I am losing track of time, but is that so bad?

What have we got to go back to ?

Many people are straining at the leash.

Let me out, let me out !

 

Even the Government wants us to get back to work.

But will there be jobs to go back to ?

Building houses that nobody can afford.

Constructing new offices now everyone is working from home.

Or a high-speed train, when nobody is in a rush.

Or how about a flight to nowhere.

 

IT’S A NEW WORLD OUT THERE.

Coronapop is not done with us yet.

We may have locked it down,

But it will be back with a vengeance,

if we get out of our beds and lift our heads.

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Coronapop Conversion.

Right from the outset of  Coronapop the country has been faced with a challenge as big as anything we have seen  in most peoples lifetime.     The Government was and still is slow to react in a rapidly changing situation.     No doubt this will continue for months to come.
The lockdown has changed most peoples way of life and there may be no going back.   Similarly many businesses and institutions have had to adapt to new ways of working.

Some people are already taking advantage of the excuse of Coronapop to push for changes they have been advocating for some time :-

  • Banks have all but shut down on the High Street, on-line banking is what they really want us all to move to.
  • Retailers have also switched to cashless payments, take it or leave it, that’s health and safety.
  • All Government information  and forms  are on-line, if you can find them.
  • GP’s have gone to ground, without too much of a sound.
  • Hospital A &E departments have emptied now that the pubs are closed and the roads are free of traffic.

We do not need to go back to where we were before.    Rather we need to adapt to the changes that have been forced upon us, to better accommodate everyone :-

  • Banks have made themselves redundant by paying no interest to savers, and offering little help to lenders.
  • Retail shops will have to offer a whole new experience in shopping to compete with on-line sellers.   They have said it before, but they didn’t do it.    How about tea, coffee an easy chair and a personal shopper who fetches and gift-wraps your goods.   Some thing they already do in luxury shops and Japan.
  • Government communication needs to be simple clear and honest.      Only localised,  face to face delivery will  make this possible, supported by instant technology delivery systems.   If Amazon can do it, why can’t the Government?
  • GP’s have deserted the front line of health care with group surgery’s, locum doctors and deputising services.   They need to get back in touch with patients and be the face of preventative medicine and the gatekeepers of acute care.   Bring back the trusted family practitioner.

Hospital A&E  should only be free for emergencies.    Anyone else turning up should be charged.

THAT IS A START.

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New New World.

We will all have to adjust to Coronapop being with us for years to come.

Yes we may get a vaccine in a years time,

but by then we will be bankrupt as a country.

Along with many others, who have been living beyond their means.

 

As a Nation we need to be more self-sufficient.

Grow our own food again.

Live within our own energy bubble.

Re-think everything.

 

Embrace technology,

but make it user-friendly for all.

The old need to learn from the young.

But so do the young need to value the wisdom of age.

Nothing is free, you have to work hard for everything worth while.

And then take time to appreciate it.

 

 

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Coronapop Ego

One day there will have to be an analysis of this Coronapop era.   Not a five year long public enquiry, which is a shelf to hide things away.   More a quiet contemplation, with a few guideposts for people to consider and hopefully act upon.

Two things mark the way  already:-    EGO  has played a large part in navigating through the uncharted seas of Coronapop.    Preening politicians are full of it, they didn’t get to be an MP without it.   Make them a Cabinet Minister and put them on the tele and they get a double dose.    The excess of ego  is matched by a marked lack of HUMILITY.    Indeed these are two sides of the same coin and equally blinding.

The two attributes can be a toxic combination, rather like Coronapop itself.   Navigating in the dark is difficult by definition, but it can be helped by the more distant view of a satellite scanning other horizons.   In other worlds you would call this benchmarking.    But ego resists that, ego prefers to find its own way.

All this has been acted out in the media frenzy of headline-hungry journalists and the furious friend-gathering twitterarty.   None of which leads to cool heads or quiet reflection.

Into this cocktail you then have to add a mixture of science and speculation.   Equally brimming full of professorship egos, with a host of certainty and uncertainty.    Academic careers to be crowned or crushed.    Seldom tempered by the peer review of common sense.

On reflection there might have been another way.   We didn’t need to wait for the Government to tell us what to do.    Without the EGO of us all believing we are different and with the humility to accept simplicity, we could have saved lives ourselves.

Washing hands is free.

  Social distancing is easy.

Masks are not a great imposition.

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I T C H

Back in the olden days of my memory, communication was simple.     You spoke to people face to face, or  from a greater distance you telephoned or wrote to people.  In my childhood I rarely spoke on the telephone.   I don’t remember my grandparents even having one.   My parents didn’t have a phone at home until I was in my teens.      I only ever spoke to my school friends face to face.     In my university days in the 1960’s I rang home from a. telephone box.     When I travelled abroad I occasionally sent post cards home.

When I started work in my 20’s, it was the first time I regularly started to use a phone, but letters were still the main form of business communication.

That’s all ancient history now.   A lifetime away, beyond the comprehension of the current generation, just as much as today’s world of instant communication frequently bewilders me.

As quickly as I learn one way of doing things, it is replaced by something newer still.     In fact nothing stays still for long!     Emails are the letters of one generation.   Texting are the words of another.     Mobile phones are the new office desk.    Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp, Messenger, Skype, Facebook, FaceTime and Zoom are the meeting places in the clouds,

                INSTANT   TECHNOLOGY   CREATES   HAVOC

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Coronapop Spend

Here’s Bodj’s new message in the next episode of CORONAPOP STREET:-

“You have all done a great job during my lockdown.  It must have been extremely difficult for those of you who were working to have to stay at home.     I know how hard it was for Dominic.   Still I hope the dosh that Chancellor Rushi Havesomemoney doled out made up for the terrible sacrifice of having to stay in during the sunny weather.

I know many of my cabinet Ministers have been tirelessly working on your behalf, travelling around in this hot summer, in their/your chauffeur driven, air-conditioned, luxury cars.    Zooming from TV studio to photo opportunity.    It has been especially hard having to learn all those stock phrases :- STAY SAFE,    STAY IN ,    STAY STILL,   PROTECT THE NHS,   PROTECT YOURSELVES,    PROTECT THE ENVIRONMENT,   SAVE THE WHALES,   LONG LIVE THE QUEEN.

Now it is almost all over and Rushi is running out of money, we have a whole brand new, world beating strategy.   We want you to forget all about Coronapop, at least for a while,  and   STAY OUT,   STAY CLOSE,    STAYCATION,   PROTECT YOURSELF WITH SUNCREAM,    PROTECT STATUES, …….. OH!   and     WASH YOUR HANDS.”

Here’s the new message for today :

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Coronapop Street

The new soap opera starts today” CORONAPOP STREET “.    This follows on from Prime Minister Bodj’s first wise decision, which is to cancel his daily TV broadcasts.   They just got him into trouble all the time and none of his Ministers could answer any questions with a straight face.

The LAST LAUGH LOONEY PARTY  will write the script and pull all the strings behind the scenes.    This immediately means Dominic Cummings will become a knight and if the Queen doesn’t cut his head off when she appoints him, he will become Sir Dominic Goings. 🤡

The rest of the Cabinet will be quarantined for fourteen days, while the LLLP decides what to do with them.     While they are locked away, they will receive statutory sick pay and free food parcels.    Unfortunately it may take the civil service a while to organise the payments and food deliveries 🤡    Oh! and we may not be able to track and trace them ever again 🤡     But we are working on it tirelessly, honest 🤡

There are two other quick decisions Bodj can make during this first episode.   Firstly to sack Gav “the child” Williamson, for his short distinguished service as Education Secretary, he has been sent back to primary school to grow up.
The second disappointment  will be to get rid of Theresa Coffey, who was Minister of something she couldn’t remember.   But also for having a name like Coffey during a pandemic.

SIR CAPTAIN TOM will be the first appointment to the new cabinet.   He will be Minister for Sport and be in charge of getting the nation fit again 🤡🏃🏽‍♂️

Secondly MARKUS RASHFORD will be asked to join on a free transfer, because there will be no more silly football behind closed doors for a while  🤡⚽️

There will be more appointments and disappointments in the next episode🤡

 

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