Last Laugh Looney Party – Cabinet Minister

The Last Laugh Looney Party has had great success in  negotiating the acquisition of all the Islands, who have now joined the Island Repubiic.     This has been helped by all the ageing multi-millionaires who have moved their bank accounts to the new Republic because of it’s tax free status.      The Island Republic is now the fifth largest economy in the world and has relegated the U.K. to sixth position.

Prime Minister May has offered the LLLP a cabinet post advising on economic and elderly affairs.        We are thinking about it.

If the Ulster Unionists can be given £10 billion, the LLLP  must be in for at least £1 billion plus a few Islands.   So on that basis we will accept the cabinet post until the end of the Brexit talks.   This should be fun😀     An announcement will be made in Downing Street today.

Our first piece of advice to the British Government would be to be rather more respectful to older people.    No longer to treat them as a burden but to give them due recognition for the contribution they made to bringing up their children and building such a good country for them to live in.        It didn’t happen without a lot of blood, sweat and tears.

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Last Laugh Looney Party Overseas Territories

Following the demise of the British Empire, the Last Laugh Looney Party, is not quite sure what British Overseas Territories it still owns.  But whatever, it has decided to claim them for the Last Laugh Looney Party Island Republic.     I have currently got my old stamp album out and I am looking at where they may all be.

Certainly the British Virgin Islands would be worth having because of all the money deposited there by UK citizens trying to avoid tax.

Anguilla, Bermuda and the Cayman Islands would definitely be worth adding to the Republics island portfolio because they not only have nice beaches, but a lot of banks to look after everyone’s money.

The Cocos Islands is also something we would like to acquire as John’s Dad was there in the war.  Although I am not sure if they were ever part of the British  Empire.

Saint Helena is way out in the South Atlantic and includes Ascension and Tristan Da Cuna.   They have nice stamps but virtually nothing else.   Still it was a good place to imprison  Napoleon for a while.   We could use it again to reintroduce transportation of all politicians who say nasty things about old people 😀😀😀

Then there are the South Sandwich Islands, they must be part of the Subway chain.  We will have them for lunch.

The British Antarctic Territory would be a great acquisition just in case all the mad scientists are right about global warming.    There are 70 scientists  there right now trying to prove it!     The only problem is that if it gets too hot there might not be too much of it left.      It will have all melted !

It’s probably a bit too late to claim back New Zealand and Australia but it’s worth looking at.   Especially if the All Blacks can be recruited to join the Leicester Tigers en masse.

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Last Laugh Looney Party Greek Islands

As the Brexit negotiations became more difficult, the European Union has demanded that Britain take responsibility for all the bankrupt Greek islands, including Corfu, Crete and half of Cyprus; plus a few other islands with unpronouncable names and occasional volcanic eruptions.     This will pay off most of the £100 billion British financial settlement with the EU.

In turn the UK Government has agreed to transfer the Greek islands, debt free, to the Last Laugh Looney Party Island Republic.

The Last Laugh Looney Party Island Republic with its Cunard ships, Virgin planes and trains and Greek islands, is now the largest tour company in the world.

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Last Laugh Looney Party – Brexit Update

To say that June has been a bad month for politics would be an understatement.    The 2017 General Election threw everything up in the air.    Does Brexit really mean Brexit?

Who knows?

The politicians are all trying to look like they know what they are doing making firm statements, which are then contradicted the next day.   Government Ministers appear on tele every hour of every day trotting out scripted phrases and ducking and diving difficult questions.   They all succeed in looking like a bunch of headless chickens.

The opposition parties are all busy trying to claim they have better ideas.   But again, who knows?

And these are our leaders !

The Last Laugh Looney Party is now as sane as everyone else.

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Last Laugh Looney Party Monaco Negotiations

As the Brexit negotiations proceeded, the Last Laugh Looney Party Island Republic began to be noticed by other smaller countries.  Monaco had always had difficulties establishing itself as an independent country within the EU and therefore voluntarily offered to join the LLLP Island Republic.      Negotiations over the issues were smoothed by the fact that many older British millionaires lived in Monaco.     Thanks must go particularly to Ringo Starr and Dame Shirley Bassey who were delighted to be back in Britain again now that it was tax-free.

There was however one significant problem.    The LLLP were less keen to accept Sir Philip Green as a resident.    It was finally agreed to accept him in exchange for his £500m yacht which would be used in future to provide luxury holidays for older pensioners around the Mediterranean.     The old sailor David Freeman has been appointed Captain of the newest Last Laugh Looney Party yacht.      Sir Philip Green remains on the yatch working in the boiler room.

 

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Last Laugh Looney Party Coalition with Falkland Islands

As part of a tidying up exercise, the British Government decided to transfer responsibility of the Falkland Islands to the Last Laugh Looney Party Island Republic.  Prime Minister Theresa May, saw this as an chance to relocate all the older politicians in the House of Lords from Westminster to a place where they can be less trouble in future.  The Conservative Party, with only a small majority in Parliament, saw this as a golden opportunity to complete the Brexit negotiations with far less trouble.

The LLLP were happy to accommodate the 600 or so Lords and Ladies, plus a few bishops provided they live on South Georgia.   This will save the UK a lot of money by reducing their Lordship’s expense claims and maybe they won’t have to spend so much renovating the Houses of Parliament 😀

The move will take place as soon as the new elk skin robes are ready and the portakabin debating chamber is completed.

 

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TILLY – Sparks of JOY

This is a tribute to Tilly, a Cockerpoo who stole my heart.   Her owner was Gill who is a neighbour of ours and a very close friend.   From day one, Tilly became part of our family and a big part of our daily life.   The photographs immediately below are of her when she had just moved into Gill’s house at about 8 weeks old.

 

 

This is Tilly as a six-week old pup before she left the litter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is her striding out on one of her first walks with real determination in her eyes. She’s already beginning to take control and let you know who’s the boss!  The lead is for her to pull you around, not for you to stop her going where she wants to go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

These are some of the memories and images of her that will bring joy to me every time I think of her :-

Poo Bags:-

Not having had a dog before, I wasn’t familiar with the idea of poo bags.  Now just about all my trouser and jacket pockets contain a poo bag.  You quickly get the idea of who’s in charge when dogs go round pooing everywhere and their so-called masters are the ones who do the clearing up behind them.

Licking:-

Licking is evidently a form of doggy friendship.  Tilly spent ages trying to lick my ears while I defended myself with both hands.  She then decided that licking my hands was a reasonable compromise.

Gardening:-

Tilly loved to be out in the garden, exploring amongst all the plants, chasing the birds and most of all trying to catch the squirrel which became a lifetime ambition.  She loved to pick up small garden tools and chew the handles to the point where they were almost unusable afterwards.  Most of all she would mischievously steal garden gloves. Her horticultural contribution was to leave decorative yellow patches all over Gill’s beloved lawn.

Treats:-

Tilly was a well-behaved dog but at about 6 months old we decided to take her to obedience training classes.  I think these classes was as much about training the owners. Tilly quickly got the idea that good behaviour meant more treats.

 

Jumping on the furniture:-

In the early days, Gill decided she would be a strict owner and have rules for Tilly which included no jumping on the furniture.  That wasn’t Tilly’s way and the rule went out of the window quite quickly.  Tilly decided this sofa was hers during the day.

 

 

Tilly also thought she liked to sleep on the bed at night in spite of Gill’s strict rules.  Not exactly a dignified way of sleeping, but a good way to get your tummy tickled.

Tilly rules OK!

 

On Holiday:-

We went on several seaside holidays with Tilly and she loves being on the beach, although she didn’t at all like the idea of getting wet.  She would run around the beach at 100 miles an hour.   She loved to chase after other dogs until they turned around, at which point she hightailed it out of there.

Walks:-

Most days I would take Tilly for a walk, either around the village or through the fields.  She was my personal trainer pulling on the lead to make me go faster, eager to see around the next corner or over the next style.  If I sat down to rest she jumped up on my lap to get a better view.

We developed our own highway code which meant at every road junction on the command of “stay”, Tilly would pause and wait for the command “OK” at which point she would frantically run across the road until the fully extended lead pulled her back with a sharp jolt.  Sadly these commands didn’t work on anything other than roads.

 

She was also happy to chase after a tennis ball when out for walks, but she didn’t like the idea of giving it back when she got home.

 

 

 

Meeting People:-

Tilly loved to meet people.  She liked and was liked by everybody.  She was especially pleased to see “posties”, because Sue, the local postlady, always used to give her treats. That meant Tilly chased after red vans and everybody in a postie uniform expecting a reward.

Sadly she passed away during a routine operation this week.  She was just two years old.  😂

There is a tear in my eye now but a spark of joy in my heart every time something reminds me of her.

GOD BLESS YOU TILLY

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Last Laugh Looney Party Maritime Negotiations

After being unsettled by the difficulty of the Brexit negotiations, many older people took to the sea.    Cruising has became more popular than ever.    But so has the popularity of the Last Laugh Looney Party amongst older people.

A surprising development came about when all the Cunard Liner passengers, most of whom are elderly, decided to mutiny and join the Last Laugh Looney Party Island Republic.     Henceforth, the ships will sail from the Channel Islands and provide a ferry service to the Isle of Wight, Scilly Islands, Anglesey, Isle of Man and all the Scottish islands.     Warmer destinations will include Monaco and the Canary Islands.     The more adventerous will be able to sail to the Falkland Islands.

David Freeman has now been appointed as Admiral of the Fleet.

 

 

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Last Laugh Looney Party Branson Negotiations

During the 2017 General Election campaign, Sir Richard Branson had become increasingly concerned about the Labour Party proposals to re-nationalise the railways.    Nor was it at all clear what impact HS2 would have on his railway franchise.    Another big concern affecting his businesses was the continued uncertainty about the future of Heathrow Airport.     All of this meant that the share value of his businesses had a difficult outlook.

Now that Sir Richard was getting on a bit, he decided to throw his lot in with the Last Laugh Looney Party and in exchange for managing the newly acquired LLLP Cunard Liners, he agreed to transfer his Nekka Island haven to the Last Laugh Looney Island Republic.    All on condition that he could keep his planes and trains to play with.

Sir Richard agreed to become the LLLP Publicity Minister and Daft Stunts Champion.   A trip to the moon on Sir Richard’s new plane will be first prize in the LLLP Remarkable Older People Awards.

 

 

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Last Laugh Looney Party Gibraltar Negotiations

As the Brexit negotiations proceeded, the Conservative Party found that the future of Gibraltar became a significant stumbling block negotiations to exit the EU.   To avoid this, they agreed to transfer sovereignty of Gibraltar to the Last Laugh Looney Party Island Republic.

The LLLP saw Gibraltar as a big piece of rock full of belligerent monkeys in the middle of nowhere in particular.    They therefore agreed to pass on the Rock of Gibraltar to Spain in exchange for the Canary Islands.    Tenerife and Lanzarote are particularly popular amongst older people in the UK, many of whom have timeshare apartments there.    So they seemed like a good addition to the Island Republic.

 

 

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